My ex-lover is back and being his usual flirty self and the sex is hot — but he is so cold
Dear Deidre: My ex-lover came over at the weekend being his old sweet, flirty self and we had sex.
Everything felt the same except he didn’t say he loved me and would only make small talk.
I am having sex with my ex again.... but I don't think it will go any further
He makes me feel so confused. We met and fell in love when we were working on the same IT project at work.
He was married with two young kids so I wasn’t interested, although we did flirt. After months of tension he kissed me one day and we had sex in the office.
I had never done anything like that before but by then I was completely in love with him. He was 31 and I was 27.
He was so romantic, making playlists of music for me, giving me paintings he’d done and sending hundreds of messages.
Despite the sex. I can't get through to him
We were soulmates, best friends and physically crazy for one another.
Then his wife found out — though I think he engineered that. I had never wanted him to get a divorce and break up his family but he was adamant they were over.
She left and he paid her off. We were in a bubble of happiness after that and planning on moving in together. Then one night he came round very upset and said I’d done something terrible.
He accused me of trying to stop his kids wanting to see him.
His wife had made up some rubbish about me telling the kids he didn’t love them any more.
He went back to her, got a transfer at work and stopped answering my messages. We didn’t see one another for over a year.
Recently he’s started messaging me again on social media and now he keeps saying how hot I am and wanting sexy pics of me.
I agreed to meet in a hotel but said I wouldn’t have sex. His flirting persisted and I could feel I was falling for him again.
When we did have sex it felt great, but I’m so confused now.
I sense something is bothering him.
He used to be so affectionate, caring and loving but now he will not open up like he used to.
Yet I love him and cannot let him go. How do I get him to talk?
DEIDRE SAYS: I suspect the only terrible thing you did was to fall in love with this guy.
He made a grand gesture of leaving his wife and family but, when reality hit, wasn’t prepared to start a new life with you.
Rather than take full responsibility for the damage he did to his marriage and family he made you shoulder all the blame.
He has engineered his way back into your life but on his terms and he’s offering you nothing.
His changed behaviour speaks volumes. You are not the priority in his life and affections.
Loving him is not enough to make him change and having only part of him is going to damage your self-esteem if you carry on.
Please don’t go on being just the other woman and getting a raw deal emotionally.
Source: The Sun
My view: Get a grip, the man doesn't love you, he's only using you for sex, it's better for you to dump him, but if you're enjoying yourself then continue.