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High sex drive has led to an affair with druggie fiance’s little brother

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM due to be married next spring but I’m having an amazing affair with the guy who will be my brother-in-law. It’s not how I planned things to be.

I’m 25 and have been engaged for five years.

I've been having sex with my soon-to-be brother-in-law

My fiancé is 28. I met him at a music festival.

He is a brilliant musician and a wonderful person — except for the drugs he takes.

He promised he would stop taking drugs and get clean but it hasn’t happened.

Our sex life has dwindled to nothing.

My fiancé takes a lot of drugs and it's starting to have a knock-on effect on our relationship

When we first got together, the sex was great.

He later told me his only goal then was to match my high sex drive. He thought he could stay clean for good.

I hadn’t planned on having an affair but I was desperate for someone to talk to and his brother was there for me. He’s 24.

I always liked him, although not in that way.

I was desperate to get laid due to my high sex drive

I told him about our problems in bed.

He basically offered me sex and I couldn’t resist. We began a wild affair.

We are deeply in love but — I know this doesn’t make sense — we don’t want to be together.

I still love my fiancé and he is the one I want to be with.

His brother is set to be his best man.

I want to stop this affair but I can’t.

I’ve lost all my self-confidence as my fiancé has rejected me so many times.

He won’t kiss me or hug me and it will take a while to get over that hurt.

I did talk to my fiancé about postponing the wedding but he got upset.

He begged me in tears to bear with him while he gets the help he needs to beat his drug habit.

DEIDRE SAYS: And is he getting that help? Or just buying more time to keep you hanging on?

Perhaps that suits you in a way.

As long as he keeps taking drugs, you can carry on seeing his brother. Is that what you would really prefer?

It feels like you aren’t being honest, not with me and maybe not with yourself.

You’ve been engaged for five years.

Have those five years been happy? Has he made you feel loved? It seems to me you have been neglected and pushed to one side while your fiancé carries on with the real love affair of his life.

Will he give up taking drugs? Only he can decide – but don’t waste any more of your life.

Break the engagement. It was based on a lie. Tell him it’s over between you until he gets help. It may be too late, even then.

Do you really love his brother? Or does he just stop you from being alone? Sex without love shows a lack of respect for yourself, so maybe you, too, have an addiction to break.

Get out of this sad, toxic triangle now and take charge of your life – away from both of these men. Being “in love” can be a way of distracting yourself from the real issue sometimes.

It’s time to make plans of your own. My e-leaflet Addictive Love can help.

Source: The Sun

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