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Husband loves watching me have sex with other people but I’m worried it’s gone too far

Dear Deidre

MY husband loves to watch other men having sex with me. I am afraid our sex life is becoming more about other people than us.

We have been together for 13 years and he was my first lover. He’s 34 and I am 33. We have three wonderful kids who are ten, eight and five.

She's worried her husband is making their sex life about other people

We’ve have had our ups and downs over the years. Both of us have been unfaithful. I had a fling with my boss until my husband came home early and caught us.

He had a fling with a girl and admitted it after I found hotel and meal receipts.

Both times we nearly split but somehow, neither of us could get by without the other and we managed to patch things up.

He started to fantasise about the idea of other men having sex with me, especially if they are bigger than him sexually.

This led us to having threesomes with guys he knows, where he would really get off on seeing them pleasure me. Last year I had sex with a man he found on the internet while he watched.

Since then, he has changed sexually and become a far more aggressive lover. I admit I enjoy that hugely.

For the past few months I have been sending pictures and videos of us having sex to a male friend and once or twice we have let him take part in our sexual activities via webcam. He tells us what he wants to see us do. It has been very exciting.

Now my husband is asking for the same experience himself. He wants me to have sex with this friend while he gives instructions and watches me being pleasured. I keep putting him off as I am really not sure.

Should I go for it because he’s asking or could it, as I fear, destroy our marriage?


I am afraid it could be the beginning of the end. As you’ve found already, trying to add excitement to sex by pushing the boundaries and involving other people only works for a while. Then you have to push the boundaries another notch.

Eventually, someone usually ends up feeling emotionally hurt or used, and that damages your relationship.

The real problem is that you are not opening yourselves up emotionally to real intimacy and passion and that limits the pleasure and sensation available to you.

Tell your husband that acting out one fantasy is just leading to another, and there are safer ways to increase the intensity of your sexual pleasure.

Reassure him good sex is not about penis size.

Try starting your sex life afresh using the techniques explained in my e-leaflet Sex-play Sex Therapy.

Write a list of touches and positions you would both like to try and take it in turns to be the leader and recipient.

Source: The Sun

My opinion: You started it by agreeing to tag along with your husband's stupid fantasies, so finish it!!.